Vexatious Villains

Occasionally when I or my friend, Brandon, get bored on road trips or for whatever reason, we make lists.. This happened a few days ago on his way home from St. Louis. Our topic this time: TV Villains. After review and some adjustments, here’s my official listings:

A Dirty Dozen of my Most Hated TV Villains:

12. Number Six (Battlestar Galactica)
I haven’t watched much BSG. I only made it through the miniseries and half of season before I just gave up and admitted I don’t like the show. (No offense to BSG, I just pretty much hate anything sci-fi.) From what I understand, Six goes through a lot a character changes as the series progresses and she’s pretty popular among BSG fans. Umm.. Am I the only one that thinks cylon = bad; human = good? I may be missing something since I’m not very well educated on this subject at all, but I just don’t get what the big frakking deal is. Yeah, she’s hot. I get that. She’s also a frakking clyon. Perspective people, perspective.

11. Mikhail Bakunin (LOST) SPOILER ALERT!
I didn’t really think much of Mikhail in seasons 1 and 2. Sure, I didn’t like him. He lied. He shot Sayid. He kept coming back to life. (WTF?) But when he killed Charlie in season 3, he became one of my most hated TV villains of all time. He better really be dead this time.
“You’re gonna die, Charlie.”

10. Seth Green (Entourage)
If you haven’t seen Entourage, you’re probably thinking, “Lovable little Seth Green? How can you hate him?” If you have seen Entourage, you’re probably thinking, “Effing Seth Green! I hate that douchebag!” Both are correct responses. I love Seth Green.. as a person. Entourage is famous for it’s cameos and Seth has had a reoccurring cameo spot as himself.. only the complete douchebag version. I read somewhere that Seth wanted to play himself as a d**k, just because everyone knows he’s a nice guy in real life. Mission accomplished, Seth. You’re a total d**k.
“Tell Sloan I said, ‘What up?’.”

9. The Ice Truck Killer (Dexter) SPOILER ALERT!
When I originally made this list, I didn’t include Rudy Cooper, a.k.a. The Ice Truck Killer. Even though he killed, cut up and drained the blood out of several people then tried to kill Deb, I guess I gave him a pass because he’s Dexter’s brother and was just trying to bond with him. Not a good excuse. Rudy is Dexter without the rules.. In other words, your average serial killer.

8. Ralph Cifaretto (The Sopranos) SPOILER ALERT!
I actually liked a lot of things about Ralph. Well.. maybe not a lot of things, but he was funny. The scene at Tony’s house when Ralph is talking to A.J. about Gladiator is one of my favorites. And neither Brandon nor I can cut our nails without telling the other to “look out for shrapnel.” Unfortunately, Ralph tarnished all that comedic gold for me by beating the stripper that was carrying his child to death and setting fire to Pie-O-My’s stable to collect the insurance policy money. The latter ended up being the cause of his death. He should’ve know Tony would kill anyone who hurt an innocent animal.. especially his prize horse.

7. Josh Weinstein (Entourage)
..One of Ari’s many ex-assistants. Josh is a snake. He’s constantly trying to steal Vince away from Ari. Most of the time he just comes off as desperate. His only redeeming qualities are that he found Queens Boulevard and it’s really fun to watch Ari berate him.
“Josh Weinf**k – the lightweight, pen-stealing f**kface.”

6. Miguel Prado (Dexter) SPOILER ALERT!
The only friend Dexter truly trusted. Unfortunately, Prado had a God complex which lead him to break the “code” and kill Ellen Wolf to protect his career. This puts him in the same category as Rudy Cooper – a ruthless killer. Poor Dexter, he’s got the worst luck with friends. At least when things go south, they all have all met the requirements to become another blood sample in Dexter’s air conditioner.

5. Adam Davies (Entourage)
I don’t care for backstabbing rats.. neither does Ari.
“A bi**h slap for a bi**h.”

4. Marlo Stanfield (The Wire) SPOILER ALERT!
Okay, we’re talking about drug dealers and gangs here, so really no one is a good guy. However, if there was a “good guy,” it’d be Omar Little. He had his principles and he stuck to them. Marlo was the dude who set him up to be killed. Yeah, he did a lot of other shady things to, but killing Omar.. That is inexcusable.

3. Livia Soprano (The Sopranos) SPOILER ALERT!
After making my top 30 TV Shows of All Time, I had the urge to watch a few episodes of The Sopranos again. I had forgotten how much I hate Tony’s mom! Wah wah we wah! She’s such a miserable old woman that did nothing but manipulate and blame everyone else for how “awful” her life was. Plus, let us not forget, she tried to have her own son wacked. WTF?! She’s like TV’s Mommie Dearest.

2. Phil Leotardo (The Sopranos) SPOILER ALERT!
Who didn’t hate Phil Leotardo? Sure, Johnny Sac and Tony had their disagreements, but they still held a mututal respect for one another. All that ended when Phil took over. Phil had his sights on Tony for years.. especially after he didn’t get to take out his vengeance on Tony B. Then he refused to provide for his own family after finding out that Vito was a homosexual, leaving Tony to provide for the Spatafores. To top it all off, Phil waged war on the DiMeo (Tony’s) family and ordered the hits on Bobby, Sil and Tony.
As I was watching the final episode, I didn’t know what David Chase (creator) would do since he had a history of writing the unexpected. However, he gave the fans one last victory by not only letting us see Phil not only get shot, but also getting his head crushed by a car containing his grandchildren. Our watch party erupted in applause. Best. TV. Death. Ever.

1. Lila Tournay (Dexter) SPOILER ALERT!
If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I cannot stand manipulative, evil women. I’ve known too many of them in my lifetime and I despise them. Lila was the exact kind of woman I loathe. As you can see by the previous post, Dexter is my 3rd favorite show of all time, but my hatred for Lila was so strong that I almost stopped watching the series. Seriously. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she broke up Rita and Dexter, then she tries to kill Rita and her kids?!
Blerg.. I’ve gotta stop writing about her. She angers me.

While making this list, we realized that “villain” is a relative term. Turns out, some of my favorite characters are villains, but I don’t generally think of them that way. Enter villain list #2:

Top 5 Favorite TV Villains:

5. Old Gregg (The Mighty Boosh)
Most of you are likely unfamiliar with Old Gregg. He’s actually a character from the BBC show, The Mighty Boosh (now airing Sunday nights on Adult Swim). Old Gregg is an asexual 70/30 split of man and fish that lives in the waters of Black Lake. Through a series of hilarious events, Old Gregg falls in love with our protagonist, Howard Moon, leading him underwater to “Gregg’s place” which is full of “all things that are good.” When Old Gregg finds that his love for Howard is unrequited, he tells Howard he’ll deal with it “the same way he dealt with Curly Jefferson” causing Howard to retract his statement and tell he was only playing a game.. love games.
I’m aware none of that makes much sense if you haven’t seen the show, so do yourself a favor and watch this: Mmm.. Creamy Beige

4. Omar Little (The Wire) SPOILER ALERT!
I mentioned Omar earlier in my Marlo Stanfield write-up. It’s weird to think of Omar as a villain.. maybe he wasn’t. He was more like the Robin Hood of Baltimore. Omar was a stick-up man who only robbed and killed people involved in drug trade and made it a point to never use profanity. He was also a homosexual.. I only mention that to show that Omar was a truly unique character to find in a crime drama. He was intelligent and charming, but in the end became another crime statistic.

3. Benjamin Linus (LOST) SPOILER ALERT!
Oh, unyieldingly evil Ben, how I love thee! I know there are those of you reading this who only see Ben as a victim and an almost heroic figure. Yes, you’re right.. somewhat. Ben wanted to join the Hostiles at an early age in order to escape his alcoholic, abusive father. And yes, it does appear that Ben has been used by Jacob. Also, he did love Alex very much. However, I think you’re overlooking all the awful things he has done. First, he killed the entire Dharma Initiative, not to mention all the murders he ordered – including Charlie. Second, he’s manipulative. He lies constantly to get his own way.. He even went as far as to tell Sawyer that he put a pacemaker in his heart that would kill him if his heart rate went over 140. Third, he’s controlling. He loved Juliet which led him to never let her return to the regular world and sent the man she loved on a suicide mission. Also, in an attempt to “protect” his daughter, he tried to brainwash her boyfriend, Karl. And fifth, I could go on and on about how he provoked people to act on impulse instead of make rational decisions which he knew would work against him.
Ben is evil.. but that’s what I love about him. The way the story left off last season, there is a possibility of the writers making Ben into a hero of sorts. I personally hope they don’t take this route.. I’d miss the evil one liners (“So?”)  too much. 🙂
In the words of Sayid, “The day I trust Benjamin Linus will be the day I sell my soul.”

2. Dexter Morgan (Dexter)
Yeah.. okay, he’s a serial killer, but he hasn’t ever killed anyone who didn’t deserve it. Plus, he’s a good brother, friend, boyfriend and father-figure to Astor and Cody. And, as if that wasn’t enough, he’s funny and very smart.. So I guess what I’m trying to say is.. that I’d go out with Dexter.
All in all, I think the Parents Television Council stated it best when they said, “The biggest problem with the series is something that no amount of editing can get around: the series compels viewers to empathize with a serial killer, to root for him to prevail, to hope he doesn’t get discovered.” Bingo!

1. Tony Soprano (The Sopranos)
Tony may be my favorite character in television history. He was very complex.. constantly struggling to balance his home life and “work” life. This is the paradox that I think all mafiosos deal with. He would do anything to protect his family, but he had to follow the code. Just when you started thinking that maybe Tony was an okay guy, he would do something so abhorrent it would snap you back to the reality that he really is a cold-blooded killer. None of that made me dislike Tony though.. It actually might have made me like him more. That’s the nature of the Cosa Nostra – respect for family while performing criminal acts. Fascinating!

With all those bases covered, we also realized there is one more category that our picks were falling into:

Not-so-villainous Villains:

5. The Smoke Monster (LOST)
We don’t really know what Smokey is. All I know is he kills people in a really harsh manner, but it’s kinda fun to watch. However, since Smokey isn’t a physical being, I didn’t feel right putting him on the most hated villains list.

4. Dr. Kelso (Scrubs)
What has two thumbs and hates Bob Kelso? This gal.

3. Bobby Bacala (The Sopranos)
I get that Bobby was an under boss in the mafia, but he really wasn’t a bad guy. You never really saw Bobby doing anything appalling.. he only killed one person in the series 6 seasons. He took care of Junior, collected his money, never cheated on his wife and loved train sets. He had a big heart and was very shy, but well-liked by everyone.

2. Joy Hickey-Turner (My Name is Earl)
I don’t really like female characters, but Joy is hilarious. She’s not exactly a villain, but she is definitely a criminal and Earl’s antagonist. I’ll just put it this way, Earl’s life would be a lot easier if Joy would stop interfering, but the show wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable. Oh snap!

1. James Doakes (Dexter)
Really, James Doakes isn’t a villain at all. He’s actually the exact opposite – a respectable cop and the only person who gets “the creeps” from Dexter. However, the enemy of Dexter is the enemy of me. Sorry, Doakes.

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