I’m fairly certain this should be about week 34 or something, but 17 weeks in a row is nothing to shake a stick at. (That little phrase just caused me to go down a rabbit hole, so here’s it’s origin. This is the kind of time wasting thing that kills all my productivity.) So welcome back Facebook Friday! But don’t get too attached. I make no promises to be consistent… it would make you all suspicious anyway.
A Jem Movie is in Development and It’s Going to be Awful. Truly, Truly, Truly Awful.
There’s a chance that the Jem cartoon that aired from 1985 – 1988 completely missed you, but it was one of my favorites. I even had a Jem doll that frequently kicked the crap out of my Barbies because it’s truly, truly, truly outrageous to think that she couldn’t take down that scrawny wimp. (Yes, my dolls had fights. I was raised around all boys, so my dolls were treated more as action figures. For the record, Jem also beat up Ken. That’s how hardcore she was.) When I saw the press release that they were developing the cartoon glam rockstar I always dreamed of being into a live action film, my inner 5-year-old self was really excited… until I actually read it. “Producers Jason Blum, Scooter Braun, and G.I. Joe: Retaliation director Jon M. Chu are planning a Jem and the Holograms film, and they’re relying on fans of the cartoon to help with the movie — and perhaps even star in it.” WHAAAAAA?! Heartbroken. Thanks for once again raping my childhood, Hollywood. I’ll put this on my “must watch” list next to the alien Ninja Turtles turd nugget you’re churning out.
Kevin Durant is Doing Some More Awesome Kevin Durant Stuff with the Strong & Kind Campaign
Oklahoma City Thunder star Kevin Durant is always doing awesome things, and in this instance I’m not referring to the stuff he does on the court (although there is plenty of that too). KD has become known as one of the most humble, generous NBA stars ever and his Strong & Kind campaign is just another way he is doing a good thing and encouraging those around him to do the same. He’s asking everyone to take a pledge to be kind and stand up for others. And to play it forward even more, KIND is donating $1 million to the Kevin Durant Charity Foundation to create specialized education and after-school programming for at-risk youth to teach them how to be strong & kind.
Once again, we’re proud to have you here in OKC, Kevin.
Bret McKenzie Still Knows How to Woo Ladies, Even Miss Piggy
After taking home an Oscar for his Conchord-esque “Man or Muppet?” in 2011, naturally Bret was asked to contribute a few tunes to the new Muppets Most Wanted film which released nationwide today. Earlier this week the powers that be also released this music video for “I’ll Give You Want You Want (Cockatoo in Malibu)” which is performed by Bret and Kermit while wooing Miss Piggy. I like to think of it was the G-rated version of “I Told You I Was Freaky”. Both are equally effective when it comes to wooing me. I’m really into dudes who put cups on their heads and offer me satin pillows.
This is a Thing That Exists
Portable female urinals. I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. At some point, every girl in the world has wished she could pee standing up whether it be a sanitation issue, a convenience thing or just because it just sounds like it’d be fun. If a girl tells you she’s never thought about, she’s lying. What baffles me about this product is what I’m supposed to do after I use it. It’s got pee remains in it… Am I supposed to throw it back in my purse? Do you expect me to carry it out of the stall and wash it out in the sink? Is there a learning curve like there is with penises? Like, do I need to practice aiming at home so I don’t get it all over the seat? Good thought process on developing this product, but I have too many concerns to buy one. However, they’re on Groupon right now if anyone wants to get one and send me a review.
Thanks for the Encouraging Words, Fortune Cookie
This was the fortune I got today. Evidently the cookie maker who printed this was having a really terrible day and wanted to spread his misery. Thanks, dude.